Road Trip
by Lorilei
Summary: The clone and his best friend, Shannon, embark on a road trip that nightmares are made of.
1. Chapter 1

ROAD TRIP CHAPTER 1

Disclaimer: What? Like I have the money to own these things. All things Stargate belong to the PTB's, Dark Hunters belong to the Goddess aka Sherilyn Kenyon and Shannon is her own (slightly bent) person.

* * *

"What is all of that?" Jon asked pointing at the pile of bags, boxes and coolers.

"The essentials for a road trip my dear friend. We have sodas, sandwiches and snacks," Shannon answered as she double checked her list.

"All of that can't possibly be just food," he said skeptically.

"There is also extra motor oil, anti-freeze , water jugs and various other things to make sure this heap of junk gets us to our destination," she said insultingly.

"My baby is in top shape, woman! How dare you insult her! She may not look like much but she can make the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs," he channeled his inner scoundrel.

"You just keep thinking that flyboy," Shannon patted his chest comfortingly. "Everyone has delusions of grandeur."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Jon joked back at her. Continuing to go through the box he picked up a book stuck in the side, "What the hell? Why is there a copy of Truck Repair for Dummies in this box?"

Smiling, Shannon took the book out of his hand and put it back in the box, "Just in case something breaks and we need to fix it on the side of the road. Now look over this list while I go back and get the maps and atlas."

"I still don't know why we just don't get a GPS for this trip," the teenage clone complained.

"Yes, because I want Big Brother keeping a constant eye on us and continuing to keep us down," Shannon replied, as sarcastic as ever. "Did you not read 1984 in English class? And just so you know, I also printed out some roadside attractions we can stop at."

"No way, I'm not stopping at any giant ball of yarn," shaking his head at her. "We are going to Frisco to the Pepperoni Place to see the Wizards of Oz kick around a ball and then on to LA to see the sights," he complained just to irritate her.

"Oh no, you didn't just call my boys the Wizards of Oz! I know karate and will kick your ass. I don't call your Avalanche boys figure skaters, so you be nice about my soccer team! We are going to Pizza Hut Park to watch the Kansas City Wizards play followed by a trip to the Roswell UFO Festival. I don't care if you ever see any bikini clad starlets in LA, you philistine," she ground out.

"I am already following a stinking soccer team around on my vacation. I will not go to the biggest tourist trap in the country," he argued.

"Ok, so don't go to Hollywood," the slightly distracted girl said. "It won't hurt my feelings any."

"I meant, Roswell genius," he zinged back at her. "Why are we taking a tent and camping gear?" he asked, wondering how he got talked into this. "Didn't you get an ungodly amount of money from your little auction?"

"Yes I did," Shannon answered, "would you like to explain to my parental units where all of it came from?"

"Point taken," he heaved a sigh and started packing things in the back of his black 1997 Chevy Silverado truck.

Lifting one of the duffle bags he let out a groan, "For crying out loud, what is in this thing, bricks?"

"Nope, those are my Dark Hunter books, I figure I can reread them while you drive," she took the bag from him and put it up in the cab.

Rolling his eyes he warned her, "Just don't read them out loud. I don't want to hear a bunch of romantic junk."

"Your loss," Shannon gave him a pitying look, "I think you would like them. There is just the right amount of violence and sarcasm."

"I can get plenty of that on my own," Jon stated, thinking of the SGC and his 'family'. "What did you pack in the way of tune-age?"

"A mix of my music and your old fuddy duddy stuff, I would think you were my dad's age with the crap you listen to," she rolled her eyes at him.

"Well I can barely stand the stuff you call music so if I have to listen to the complete works of Garth Brooks, you can just suffer through mine," Jon insulted her taste in music as he put the last box in the bed of the truck.

"That is it! Unpack it all and take it back in the garage!" Shannon fumed.

Jon looked at her as she started to storm back into her house. Looking over his mental calendar he cursed himself for going too far. "Shannon, please, I sorry!" he yelled, "Garth isn't that bad and you promised to teach me about your 'Beautiful Game'."

Shannon stopped a few feet from the door. Slowly she turned around to face him. "We are going to follow the trip I planned out?" she asked suspiciously.

"Sure," he placated, "I'll even take your picture with a Roswell Gray." She turned back towards the house. "What? What did I say this time?"

"I forgot the camera," she yelled at him as she went in the door.

Slapping his hand to his forehead he turned back to the vehicle as his cell started to ring. Looking at the display he wondered to himself, 'What now?'

"What do you want?" he asked through clenched teeth.

"Now is that anyway to answer a phone? I know my mother taught me better," the voice on the other end inquired.

"Listen, geezer, I am having a little trouble right now, so what do you want?" Jon huffed.

"What kind of trouble?" was the reply of Col. Jack O'Neill?

"It is a red circle day on the calendar and I forgot," was the clone's defeated reply. "We may never make it out of Colorado Springs."

"Just stop at the first 7-11 you see and buy every Hershey bar they have," was the advice given. "And you might want to _try_ and avoid any more verbal landmines."

"Good thinking, I knew I kept you around for a reason," the teenager sagged in relief.

"Now about this road trip with a female of the opposite sex," Jack got to the reason for his call. "Have you lost our mind?"

"What? Get your mind out of the gutter, you old goat," Jon seethed, "Shannon is my best friend and I am not going to let her follow her favorite soccer team around the Southwest by herself! It would be like letting Danny go off by himself. You do remember the last time you let him go on a road trip without you, don't you?"

Jack shuddered as he thought back to the FUBAR that was Honduras. "Ok, I admit it, you have a compelling argument. Did you have a mechanic check the truck out? Do you have places to stay? How are you on food money?"

"What are you, my parent?" Jon snarled even as he was touched by the concern in Jack's voice. "My baby is in good shape. Unlike some people, I have the time on my hands to make sure she is in working order. Besides, my cruise director has packed a care package for the trip."

"Ok, ok, I give. Still, watch your back out there. You will be farther away from the mountain if certain "friends" of ours try anything," Jack warned.

"Don't worry so much, Uncle Jack," Jon reassured him as his traveling companion joined him, "Uncle George is speed dial #1 should we get into too much trouble."

Shannon grabbed the phone from Jon, "Don't worry so much Jack; I'll keep him out of trouble."

With sarcasm in his voice, the older man replied. "Well now, that doesn't exactly inspire confidence in me dear. Just have fun and try not to get arrested."

"We will!" Shannon chirped bouncing on her toes in excitement, "Bye and we will bring you a souvenir from Roswell." She handed the phone back to its owner.

"Tell me she was kidding about the Roswell thing," the Air Force colonel begged.

"Oh no, we are going to go to the UFO Festival apparently. I'll bring you back a stuffed Roswell Gray. 'Uncle' Thor might get a kick out of it," Jon just loved any chance to torture Jack.

"Have a safe trip, Mini Me," Jack said, knowing that now was the time to retreat. He'd get the kid next time.

"TTFN," Jon signed off as he disconnected the call, "I've been hanging around you too long, I'm starting to talk like you. Alright, let's get this show on the road."

"Yes! We are off to see the Wizards!" Shannon practically skipped to the truck and proceeded to climb in.

"Do you need a step ladder, Shorty?" Jon teased.

"Shut up, Gigantor," the petite redhead glared at him after finally getting into the passenger seat.

Whistling 'Follow the Yellow Brick Road' Jon got into the driver's seat and soon they were off on their new adventure.

* * *

Ah, the end of the chapter is here, I now require a Sprite, an Onyx charge card and the QVC. (DH lovers know what I mean.) Oh, and Shannon really is that paranoid about GPS units, that is a direct quote.

Gotta go get some sleep the 15 hour time difference between here and China is kicking my butt. GO USA!


	2. Chapter 2

ROAD TRIP CHAPTER 2

Disclaimer: See chapter 1

* * *

Jon pulled out of the driveway and they were on their way. Three blocks way Jon saw a convenience store and pulled in.

"I thought you already got gas this morning," Shannon questioned him.

"Yeah but you forgot to pack something important to my mental well being," the boy told her.

"Beer is not essential to your well being, dufus," she rolled her eyes at him.

"Just wait here for a minute, I'll be right back," Jon got out of the truck and went in. Going to the candy isle he looked at the selections. "So much chocolate, so little time."

After looking at all the varieties of candy bars the teenager just decided to get two of every kind. Suddenly, there was a large crash outside. Looking up, Jon saw the cashier come out from behind the counter to see what was going on. Apparently a teenage skateboarder had wiped out and injured himself.

Seeing that Shannon was rushing over to the teen with her red tackle box in hand, her traveling companion shook his head in confusion and took his booty to the checkout. As he approached he saw someone behind the cash register. The kid behind the counter didn't look as if he worked here and as Jon got closer he saw the other boy was emptying out the till.

"Hey there," he said to the kid. "Can you help a brother out?" He laid all the candy down on by the register.

"Ah, sure dude," the teen said nervously as he reached over to supposedly check Jon out.

Grabbing his arm, the Special Ops trained clone pulled the criminal partially over the counter. Getting him in an immobilization hold Jon said, "The old bait and switch, nice try."

"Dude, we can cut you in," the criminal pleaded.

Rolling his eyes Jon replied, "Yeah sure ya betcha."

"What is going on here?" queried the clerk as he came back in.

"I caught this kid with his hand in the cookie jar while you were outside checking on his partner," the clone answered. "If you tell my friend out there what is going on, she will hold the other one until the police arrive." Seeing the clerk was frozen he added, "Now."

"Yeah, right," the college age kid shook himself and went back outside. Watching out the window, Jon saw the accomplice try to bolt. As quickly as he moved, he wasn't fast enough to get away from the girl that Jon sparred with regularly. In three easy moves, she had him on the ground and secured. Looking down at his prisoner he bragged, "Taught her everything she knows."

The convenience store clerk came back in and said distractedly, "I'm going to call the cops now."

"You do that," Jon told him.

Thirty minutes later, both John and Shannon had handed their prisoners over and given their account of the attempted robbery. The police had given them a hard time for putting themselves in danger but in the end thanked them for their assistance.

Jon went out front to help Shannon retrieve her tackle box. Picking us the items that had been scattered during the emergency he asked, "Why is it that your tackle box has no fishing gear in it?"

"It does, dork. I have antibacterial spray, band aids, needle nose pliers and many other essential medical supplies needed for a fishing expedition," she explained.

Looking at the contents he asked, "Bug spray? What for?"

"Your uncle's friend Murray insisted I needed it and your Aunt Janet gave me the rest," Shannon told him as she finished repacking the first aid kit.

Jon looked at the tackle box in disgust. "I feel insulted!"

"Oh, cheer up, Jack found out and sent you a present," she soothed as she handed him a box from the bed of the truck.

Opening it he found a ball cap with cup holders attached. The note attached read, 'Soda only, Mini-Me.'

"Righteous, old man!" he exclaimed as he put the hat on.

The clerk came up to them and handed Jon a bag. "It's on me for saving my butt."

Looking in the bag, Jon saw all the candy he had picked up earlier. "Sweet! Here these are for you," he said as he handed the bag to his traveling companion.

She looked into the bag. "Essential for your well being, huh?" she smirked at him. "I have trained you well, grasshopper."

Jon just smiled as she took credit for something he had learned from his ex-wife in his former life. He would have to remember to thank Jack for jogging his memory on co-existing with a female.

"Well, now that this crisis is over, how about we get back to our road trip?" he prompted. "This has put us behind schedule."

"Can you please take that hat off before we get going?" Shannon begged him, "I'd rather not be seen with you if you are going to wear it in public."

Smiling, Jon took the hat off and threw it behind his seat. Offering his hand to his companion, he helped her up into the cab. Whistling, he came around to the driver's side and got in.

"Okely dokely, now we can get this show on the road," he said getting in touch with his inner Flanders. Pulling out of the parking lot, he headed for I-25 South.

Looking at her maps, Shannon told him, "It is a good thing we packed camping equipment. We are never going to make it to my original stopping point. There is a KOA we can camp at instead."

"Yes, dear," Jon replied. "It's not like I planned for there to be robbery."

Sighing, she turned to him. "I know. I'm just anxious to get on with this trip. I don't know about you but I really needed to get away from the Springs."

"Now that you mentioned it, the 'family' was getting a bit up in my business," he said. "Oh, get this, the reason Jack called earlier was to find out if I had any idea what I was getting into with a co-ed road trip just the two of us. The old pervert."

"Oh, ewww. I hope you set him straight. I love you, but you are like my evil twin or something," Shannon shuddered.

"That is exactly it!" Jon exclaimed, "I don't know why people think two persons of the opposite sex cannot be just friends. Oh and you are the evil one in this sibling relationship."

"How can you say that?" she argued.

"Three words: Uncle Danny's drawing," he said.

"Ok, we share the evil tendencies," she compromised.

"Whatever you say, O Evil One," came the comeback. Jon muttered under his breath, "Hopefully this won't end like most of my 'family' trips."

Suddenly he yelped in pain.

Shannon sat there glaring at him after slapping his arm. "I don't know how but I get the feeling you just jinxed us."

* * *

Many thanks to Shannon! You have helped me keep my loose grip on sanity these last couple of months.

Just a warning to my reader: Real Life is currently kicking my behind on a daily basis and I don't know when I will be able to post again. The only writing I have been doing is updating and rewriting my resume lately. Feel free to send me plot bunnies that Shannon and I may not have thought of, I am an insy-tiny bit stuck.


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